I remember being 9 years old with two sisters and my parents told us they were expecting a fourth baby! Oh, were we so excited! But I remember even at 9 years old the comments my father would get, expecting him to be hoping for that boy…that having three daughters was some sort of let down for him rather than a joy. That as a man he wasn’t complete without a son. My brother was born when I was 10 years old and I don’t think it mattered to my parents at all that they finally had a son, but they were in love with their new child.
My first son was 3 years old when we found out we were expecting our second child, and the immediate response of almost everyone we told was “Do you hope it’s a girl??”.
It wasn’t a girl. Our second baby boy was born just before our first turned 4 and it couldn’t have been a better situation! I mean, I had always wanted boys, we owned everything we needed, we knew how to raise a boy and our kids just adore each other, no matter their gender. We were so happy. Satisfied even, that our family may be complete with me being the only female in the home. While I was pregnant with him, it was “Oh, you’re having another boy? Well, you’ve got to try for that girl next!” or “Were you hoping for a girl?”. After he was born the questions kept coming though! I was in my post partum room at the hospital with my beautiful new blonde baby boy and a nurse found out he had a big brother and said “When are we going to start trying for a girl?”. Seriously woman?! Seriously? Maybe after the trainwreck in my pants heals I will toy with the thought of another child, but “trying” for a girl?? No.
All around town with my two boys I get the same comments daily. Never fails. I go out and I just know someone will make sure I know that my life just isn’t complete yet.
Well guess what? We are expecting again…and while it was a little unexpected how soon after baby #2 (they’ll be 17 months apart) it is, we are overjoyed. I couldn’t help but feel a bit of a pit in my stomach though. I know the questions that are coming our way now that we have TWO boys and I’m expecting. The disappointment some people-even complete strangers-will have for me if we should find out that we have a third boy on the way. I’ve already been asked “If it’s another boy, will you try again for a girl?”. WHAT?! People are usually shocked by our confidence in the fact that we are done after this. We are complete with three children, and in no way will we feel incomplete if our three children are all boys.
To be honest?
I don’t feel a yearning to have a baby girl. I don’t feel as though my two (possibly three) boys are not enough. That I need a pink blanket in order to feel like an accomplished mom. My life is perfection. I look forward to raising caring boys who can treat others with respect and love. I look forward to making sure my boys have an amazing life, learn to play in the dirt, laugh at bodily functions, wrestle and take risks. I can look forward to future daughter-in-laws if that is in the cards for my boys, but I feel no rush to have a girl in my life.
Don’t get me wrong. My feelings have never been hurt by the comments about having a girl. I am completely understanding that there’s a natural curiosity to know whether or not a woman or a man desires a child of a different gender, but what I have learned as a mom with no girls is that asking questions like that can imply something you don’t mean. You are really just interested in what gender a mom or dad hopes for, but in all honesty if I had been done having children with my two boys and a stranger (or even a friend!) asked me when I would try for a girl it would be kind of a bummer. There is an expectation of all parents around the world to bear at least one son and one daughter, and it’s just silly. We don’t have a say in the gender of our children (unless you pay the big bucks in a scientific Dr’s office that does that kind of thing), so maybe as a community let’s remember that before we say something that implies that a parent’s current children just aren’t enough to satisfy an outrageous made up quota.
Being a parent of any combination or number of children is a blessing. There is no right or wrong when it comes to your family size or the way it’s made up. What you as a mom or dad have is amazing…don’t ever forget that!
We were thrilled to welcome our third boy! The comments have gotten crazier and the pressure to “try again” is being put on thick but I couldn’t be happier with my three boys!