This article was written by Jenny Isenman on CafeMom’s blog, The Stir

25 Things Moms Say

In my recent post about decoding Momisms, I realized that not only have I officially become a mother, I may have officially become MY mother. Not that she was bad, she was and is wonderful, but she spoke a language of cliche “parentese” that I swore would never pass my lips.

No, I would never say, “Because I said so,” as I intended to have long conversations with my brilliant offspring in which I would explain my decision and discuss my reasoning ad nauseum.

I mean, they deserved to be talked to like adults, right? No quickie threats or illogical arguments? Well, at least that’s what I assumed when I was one of them. Now, I realize those phrases were uttered to stop from having conversations (ad nauseum) about EVERY LITTLE THING or because they were simply quick, to the point, and preserved sanity.

Here’s a list of those things we swore we never say (but do):

The Illogical:

  • Don’t look at me with those eyes.
  • Children are to be seen, not heard.
  • If you keep making that face, it’ll freeze that way.
  • If you want to act like a child, I’ll treat you like one.
  • Quiet down, I can’t even hear myself think.
  • One day you’ll thank me.
  • Because I said so, that’s why!

The Logical:

  • As long as you’re under my roof, you live by my rules.
  • God gave you a brain, use it.
  • Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer.

The Sarcastic:

  • Are your legs broken?
  • If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?
  • Oh, Jen’s mom lets her do (Blank), fine, go live with Jen’s mom … I’ll help you pack.
  • Shut the door, were you born in a barn?
  • Your room looks like a cyclone ran through it.
  • Talking to you is like talking to a brick wall.
  • Let’s play the quiet game
  • Someone better be bleeding.
  • Where are your manners — were you raised by wolves?

The Threatening:

  • I’m not asking, I’m telling.
  • When you have kids, I hope they’re just like you.
  • Don’t you use that tone with me Mister/Missy.
  • Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.
  • You better wipe that look off your face.
  • Don’t make me: tell you again / come back there / turn this car around, et al.

Well, did I miss any phrases?
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